The Stuff toys!!! What`s difference this time?? I asked myself. This has been going on with so many individuals since long, like me, under the sun. It was the moment when I was exposed to my insanity, my acquiescent nature towards this gruesome reality of life.
How smoothly I was hoodwinked, unable to decipher the tides raising about me, unable to identify the whirlpool which made my identity, i confess my weakness at this point, my aimlessness in spite of being far aimed and above all the fear of creature that navigated my life.
This was the moment-for the very first time I scrutinized my image in the mirror which was not my true reflection. Being in a state of fear all my life I wore an oyster garb for protection. One wrong thought of giving vent to my feelings would make bait—He would stifle me, pull life out of me, decimate my ecstatic moments, myriads of expressions, my trivial wishes and my power.
The expansion and contraction of my mind was an ultimatum for me to relapse and reflect on my life. I confess this to you that he is quisling in actual, he undermined me and my weakness, gave him strength to entrap my soul and the license to consume my creation--- the pearl.
He usurped my ability of floating in air, estranged me from bouts of laughter, deprived me of my visionary eyes, peeled off the gloss of my countenance and numbed my sensations—on the periphery of death.
Strings of hope broke one by one, scattering my wishful thinking and fading into the oblivion .I desperately need someone in my life- someone to tell the world who I am and that I have the right to weave my life the way I want. I cherished the ideas of love, beauty, truth and freedom in my heart which gave me the courage to speak my mind, deny the way of the world, say it on its face that I love all that it hates but my conscience always chided me as if I was committing a crime therefore, I could never make it.
Everything loses meaning, and I will be always the most disappointed one about my situation; I 'll always blame myself of “being weak", of not being able to live in the "real world", of being a total inept.
We are living in a paradoxical life—life within is opposite to life without. All our lives we wear masks in the society which negate all that we cherish in life. My life is fragmentary and scattered like grains of sand, therefore em unable to give wholeness to my personality, I am forever in a twilight state.