This Land of Monsters

 

This is soooo awful! How can humans be so heartless? It is difficult to put it up into words. My heart aches and I am numb. Can you just imagine the trauma she is going through at the moment? Unfortunately the society she lives in always blames a woman with their big mouths and tiny minds.

This incident has literally drenched me into tears; I am not able to eat properly. This has traumatized me to the core. This could be me. I do travel a lot and alone all the time from Lahore to Islamabad and Jhelum frequently. This incident has affected every one of us in more ways than one. #Lahoremotorwayrape

The rape and murder of young girls, kids and women is becoming new normal, we need to stand up. We need to educate our sons accordingly that EVERY woman deserves respect. We need to educate our kids about the good touch and the bad touch. This is utterly indispensable. We have to stop this NOW. I am nor a feminist neither I support such campaigns. But at this point I believe both men and women need to challenge basic socio-cultural norms to stop this. I do not support any political party either but I want this Government really need to invest in strengthening justice system. And yes the gender-sensitive training is needed for all those who work in the justice and security sectors.

 I remember once i was travelling, probably late September 2019. And that was a little incident but it has become the most horrific incident in my life until today and scared the hell out of me. I was supposed to catch a flight early in the morning around 4:00 am from Brussels to Prague. To cut the story short when I was leaving the hostel, there was nobody at reception and it was dark and quite. Hostel door was automatic; once you exit you cannot enter again. When I stepped out, I was reciting ayat-ul-kursi. I saw a light at the left corner of the street in a shop as someone is watching T.V. I said such a relief that somebody is up and I start walking. As soon as I reached at the end of the street, three boys came out of that shop and they were shouting and started running after me, I turned right and keep walking and I was unable to drag my trolley. Suddenly a door opened and young tall boy came out. I hold his arm as tightly as I could and whispered help me. He did not respond and I was holding his arm with one hand and dragging trolley with other hand, walking with him briskly. There were stairs and then a bridge and then stairs again. They were shouting loudly, abusing and running after us. But when we crossed the bridge they did not chase. After 5 minute walk the guy said you are safe now and here is the shuttle stop that goes to airport. I thanked him twice.

I was shivering and tears were going through my eye and then bus came. I got into the bus, later I was looking for that guy in bus but he was nowhere.... I believe he was an angel. I daily think about this incident at bed time and it gives me goose bumps – WHAT IF that angel does not appear?  I informed my sister and she scolded me and told me to cancel the trip and come back home. I told my best friend and got a reply that it can happen anywhere in the world when you are a solo female traveler and and you should not travel late night. Just forget it and enjoy rest of the trip. For next few days i was so scared to talk and be friend with people. I canceled all my early morning and late night flights.This incident shattered my confidence. So can you imagine the state of that woman right now?  We have failed a mother, we have failed our kids, and our men have failed us.

Congratulations we are ranked at number 6 as the most unsafe country for women.

 Why women are not safe on this planet??

Hello World

For me there are many things that can make me happy in this world, writing is one of them. When I was a little kid, I just love my own company kind of girl. Always lot of rush going in my mind all the time. I used to observe people, listen to them, hell lot of words mix up in my mind to express but I never had enough courage and confidence to say that loud. I used to talk to myself as a child. I know this sounds funny. I believe I still live in an imaginary world. In my own world… and it's beautiful.

But then I started writing , in the beginning it was only poems and short stories, I had so many characters build up in my mind. I used to feel safe with them rather than being with the real mean people around me, always so scared of them.

Later in high school it was all about marks and scoring. I totally forgot about writing. Then I did continued again when I was in university and put up all the writing on Blogger in 2013 probably.

So yeah this is how I re-discovered myself again. Writing makes me happy because it helps me both ways ,to escape as well as to find myself !!

I will be posting every week now, back to normal life again… loads of interesting and silly stuff to share, and yeah thoughtful too,  twilight series is just about to crash :p twilight 3,4,5….. infinity. Many things were going in my life and I was trying to reorganize my life and I ended up with the conclusion that everything is just temporary. Live in the moment. Love everyone, Be kind and just accept the things instead of being unhappy and complaining.

 

So what makes you happy?? J

Twilight -3

I was on my way to Ali Tahseen for a hair repair treatment, lately my hair just seems dead and uneven….listening to Calvin Harris – Summer and thinking oh what a beautiful morning… finally nice weather in Lahore.
As soon as I turned the street towards Qadadfi, a car was coming from the opposite direction, the moron in the car was play-acting to be a Salman Khan and telling me that I should reverse and should let him out, I told him there is space at the right and this is your way, you can go from here simply. But he been utterly stupid and continuously trying to scare me and been loud, started with “Pta hy nei gaari kasiay chaalani hy, chalo side py kero”  Now it was my turn… I talked to him nicely at first but now I became “Elastic Girl” from the Incredibles  and I replied Yes I don’t know how to drive, now can you please drive and get off from here!!

Furthermore he said “Subha Subha Churail matthay lug gyge hy aub koi kaam nei sai hona” this was funny and I was about to burst into  laughter but I controlled 😄

He turned off his car and said he is not moving, I said okay, stay here! And I got busy with my mobile and suddenly he starts giving horn… I told him that go your way, you have enough space, and he was on the point that he cannot go into the mud and I should reverse.it rained last night so it was bit muddy. I said if you are so in love with your car, you should keep it at home and should not drive on the roads. He got mad again and yelled at me…. I was no less, I behaved likewise… because I think these days no one deserves that we should talk nicely.

Another car came into the scenario and told him brother there is enough space, now brother moved and intentionally bumped into my car, how people can be so mean and then did not stop… I am such a fool that I could not note his number. I gave a big Gali in punjabi and headed towards Ali, I was worried there 😣 After getting my hair done, I went to the mechanic and got my car repaired. Mufat ka kharacha… Now I came back, wasted my whole day there and postponed all my chores, thinking that I should have not answered him.

Anyways guys, cut the story short, Please be nice to others while you are driving and specially to the girls  😄

And yes if I ever find that bad ass mother-fucker anywhere in Lahore, I would hang him :D I wont spare him at all. I’m sure he would hit me from the other side and would run away once again 😄😄

Twilight - 2

We live in beautiful world, don’t we? And I believe that everybody in this beautiful world deserves respect, we are all connected somehow. Basically respect is to honor someone. It takes many shapes and meanings. Respect others by honoring their wishes, beliefs, secrets, vast knowledge and immense wisdom. Respect others personal boundaries are also an absolute Do!! Always!

In our life, we daily meet many people… may be at workplace, in a restaurant, at park, at a grocery store, in a market, in parking or anywhere else, each one deserves your care and attention even if it is a smile and a hello because respecting each other comes first and everything else comes afterwards. So yeah respect is all around us. It’s everywhere!

I understand sometimes it’s hard to respect few people… But you know still, there will be at least one quality in every person which deserves respect.

A stubborn politician - Respect his passion
An evil friend - Respect the brain
A self-obsessed person - Respect the self-esteem

A heartless terrorist - Respect his willpower
A crazy boss at work – Respect his stupidity
That's how it drives!

By the way, there are a lot of people for whom I am trying to develop respect… 🤪

Other day I was hanging out with my friends, both of them surprised me… One of them been nice to the waiter and any trespasser even, he bumped into someone, he not only apologized but also inquired from the other person that is he okay?  Saying hello at random kids 😇  In short… it was impressive. Positive vibes all around… On the contrary, second friend of mine been rude to the security guard and also insulted a random guy for guiding us a wrong pathway… ewwwww  this was really uncool. Oh bhai you should understand that security guy is doing his job and you are supposed to cooperate instead of getting mad at him. And my dear friend, you are asking an illiterate man in your British accent English about that specific spot… He guided you at his best out of what he could understand.  At this point, to talk to that guy in his native language was respect. In fact few of us interpret it inversely… but dude I’m telling you this was not cool.  You must know that everyone is born with the same attributes as you…

If you think that disrespect others makes you cool, you are absolutely wrong, Please grow up!! It’s toxic… It reflects your character and brought up. To disrespect someone is a completely no go for me either it’s a peon, office boy or cleaning person! You don't want to disrespect yourself, right?  I believe it’s difficult to give respect when you don't have respect for yourself… Giving respect is indispensable!

To be respectful to others is not difficult, If you are friendly, caring, and mindful and don't impose yourself on others…. you're being respectful actually.

Let’s respect each other and make the Earth a better place to live.

Twilight - 1

After iftari, I headed towards the Hafeez Center, It is a well-known market in Lahore for sale and purchase of tech gadgets. I had been there twice before but with a friend… I was looking for an appropriate parking, there was a huge empty space next to it. A guy screamed, yes this is parking space and handed over me a ticket. I parked my car, covered myself with a pretty huge scarf, picked up the things and start walking towards the target.

Uh oh… I forgot to mention the purpose of going there; I went there to sell out my mobile phone. So this was my first visit alone to this market at 9:23 PM. Suddenly I realized I am the desired object of people around… young or old guys gaping stupidly. You can hardly spot girls in this market. Unfortunately I could not act like a movie heroine to ask, hey what are you staring at? 😛
All of a sudden, a guy was about to bump his motor bike into me purposely and the other guy stating him amusingly “Yar kia ker rehy ho, lerki  ko marna hy”. I ignored and moved on with a grumpy face. As soon as I stepped in the market, a guy inquired me, Do you want to sell the mobile, I nodded my head and he said come here, I just go into that first shop at the corner… there were 4 guys in that small shop, I told the main guy that I want to sell this phone and he said please have a seat… I took a chair and sat in front of him like a scared child sitting opposite to the teacher. The guy expressions sharp but I am no less 😛
A conversation started between us and he tested the device from every perspective and took 20 to 25 minutes almost…
Finally we locked the deal. He got my ID card copy and I filled a form also for him, Later he gave me the amount and I almost snatched the money and tucked it in my wallet and he insisted me to count. Actually I was not in a mood to stay there anymore…. I said its okay and rushed out.
He smiled and I tried to smile back but I could not….
Heading towards the parking, I was thinking millions of scenarios in my head…
P.S : I’m a very shy person and to go at a crowded place like this all by myself and bargaining was a big achievement for me 🙂 😛
Yay, I did it. 👻

Fearless

I do not know that what's going on with me these days… maybe I am filled up with the things inside me, holding back everything within me…Life is just not putting up the things at very right place, where they should have been! I feel so agitated and restless these days, I talk less and I have confined myself to books! No hangouts, No friends!! I do not bother to reply a text even. I don't feel like doing anything... recalling Burno Mars lazy song :D

Writing is the last thing that I can do… just write it off and get it off from my head.

The expansion and contraction of my mind is an ultimatum for me to relapse and reflect on my life. Yes I miss you! Life is not same without you, a lot has changed… Every day is a constant battle to choose to do things that will make mum happy or to curl up and cry. My dad; my loving, unique, creature of heaven, your absence has taught me new lessons.I learned a new essence of life i.e. being fearless.  And dad, I believe this is what you always wanted me to learn. You may not have wished this method for me. I know when you are fatherless; you have to become fearless… no other choice!!

Never in a million years I think I would find someone so utterly perfect.   

If I could time travel, I would choose to bring you back and to being a kid with you. Life felt so good that way, immensely good...

"And in all the stories my daughter shall hear,

It will not be the princess that slay the dragons,

But little girls that believe in magic

With big, brave hearts and even bigger dreams.

She will learn to rely on her own sword

In every battle, in every struggle, in every war

Because she will learn how to devour

Every single monster from their very core."

                                                            - Nikita Gill

Life without an Angel

A long time ago I wrote blog post,  woooooops an year almost…Time is running and things are different now, you start to wonder all at sudden why -- when did you start thinking it was more fun to talk to your father. Thinking about the past year with a pounding headache. When did everything change? This initial reaction is painful. Seems I have completely lost sight of who am I? This is not me. The real me, loves being a daddy’s girl who does not have any direction and plans to just let the tides of time carry me through life. I am just telling myself that the real me is more “Strong” than this. Then this all hits me, this is the real me!

Well, I really did not give myself enough time to write this note, I found it hard to come up with something like this. Everybody needs a guardian angel to help them through tough times and to let them know that someone cares.

Fathers, in most families, are our special unsung heroes. Any man can be a father But it takes someone special to be a Dad. Dad, Daddy, Pop, Abu, Papa - many different names, whatever it is you calls your dad, those words will always mean so much to you and to him.

I can write endlessly in this piece how "perfect" my father was.  My relationship with my father was, I think, better than the rest of my siblings. Somehow, in a sort of quiet way, I understood him—his moods, rules and dreams. Still, just like any family, ours also went through struggles and disappointments.

I have never been a material girl. My father had always told me never to love anything that cannot love you back

My dad is my hero. I were never free of a problem nor did I truly experience a joy until we shared it. I needed him to know when I was hurt. I needed him to know when I was happy. I needed him to know to hear me. I got what I wanted every time.

My guide, my companion, my mentor, my supporter, my defender, my strength, my toy repairman, my playmate, my wiper of noses and tears, my laughter, my driving instructor, fashion consultant but always most of all my closest and surest friend. . . .

We sometimes used to fight over nothing, but always knowing in our hearts that nothing could ever change how we felt about each other and, in my case, that he was the rock that I could always turn to...

Abu...

You have given me the world. Your love, support and constant encouragement has made me the girl I am today. I am grateful for all the lessons you have taught me through your guiding example of how to give freely and love unconditionally. Thank you for always encouraging me to follow my dreams and do what I love. You have taught me about patience, family and LOVE!!!

I have so many fond memories...family gatherings, the countless times you drove me to school in early winter mornings and we used to enjoy that Halwa Purri breakfast on our way (mum could never know about this secret of us) I remember the first time when I was sent to Hostel and it was getting tough to manage alone in hostel, I came back crying and told you that i want to quit. You looked at me, smiled, gave me a hug and said... "don’t give up and keep your head up sweetheart." and finally I ended up staying there for four long years!! I remember your patience dad as you taught me everything, cheering me up on weekends in that horrible hostel, how you made me feel so special, your hugs & smiling face  reminds me that I would be okay...I am missing all those late night conversations with my silly questions  and so many more loving memories. 

We have had a strong bond of relationship and that was a "mysterious bond". no one can understand!!

 I love you dad... and I will miss you always!!!

 2017 was hurtful, thoughtful, selfish, altering, molding and one of most accepting years of my life. December was unkind and ruthless to me.

Happy 2018  peeps :)

Wordless Friday

Everyone is busy with setting goals for new year like get in shape, Losing weight, exercise more, stay fit, exultant relationships, Love, adventures, reduce stress, working hard, travelling and bla bla .

Set a goal to help people around you as much as you can, this will give you an inner satisfaction and peace. When you help others never think this is lessening your wealth or saving. Just think that Allah gave you this much so you can help others…Remember in the end only kindness matters.

I repeat if you want to be happy, practice compassion.  

My new year goal/resolution is not to get attached to anyone emotionally :p *haha* just kidding!! I set few realistic goals; I believe God will help me to fulfill those!! So how about your New Year goals? Please share…

 May 2017 bring happiness for everyone!!

Happy New Year  J