Tuesday, 6 February 2018


I do not know that what's going on with me these days… maybe I am filled up with the things inside me, holding back everything within me…Life is just not putting up the things at very right place, where they should have been! I feel so agitated and restless these days, I talk less and I have confined myself to books! No hangouts, No friends!! I do not bother to reply a text even. I don't feel like doing anything... recalling Burno Mars lazy song :D
Writing is the last thing that I can do… just write it off and get it off from my head.
The expansion and contraction of my mind is an ultimatum for me to relapse and reflect on my life. Yes I miss you! Life is not same without you, a lot has changed… Every day is a constant battle to choose to do things that will make mum happy or to curl up and cry. My dad; my loving, unique, creature of heaven, your absence has taught me new lessons.I learned a new essence of life i.e. being fearless.  And dad, I believe this is what you always wanted me to learn. You may not have wished this method for me. I know when you are fatherless; you have to become fearless… no other choice!!
Never in a million years I think I would find someone so utterly perfect.   
If I could time travel, I would choose to bring you back and to being a kid with you. Life felt so good that way, immensely good...

"And in all the stories my daughter shall hear,
It will not be the princess that slay the dragons,
But little girls that believe in magic
With big, brave hearts and even bigger dreams.

She will learn to rely on her own sword
In every battle, in every struggle, in every war
Because she will learn how to devour
Every single monster from their very core."
                                                            - Nikita Gill

Friday, 29 December 2017

Life without an Angel

A long time ago I wrote blog post,  woooooops an year almost…Time is running and things are different now, you start to wonder all at sudden why -- when did you start thinking it was more fun to talk to your father. Thinking about the past year with a pounding headache. When did everything change? This initial reaction is painful. Seems I have completely lost sight of who am I? This is not me. The real me, loves being a daddy’s girl who does not have any direction and plans to just let the tides of time carry me through life. I am just telling myself that the real me is more “Strong” than this. Then this all hits me, this is the real me!

Well, I really did not give myself enough time to write this note, I found it hard to come up with something like this. Everybody needs a guardian angel to help them through tough times and to let them know that someone cares.

Fathers, in most families, are our special unsung heroes. Any man can be a father But it takes someone special to be a Dad. Dad, Daddy, Pop, Abu, Papa - many different names, whatever it is you calls your dad, those words will always mean so much to you and to him.

I can write endlessly in this piece how "perfect" my father was.  My relationship with my father was, I think, better than the rest of my siblings. Somehow, in a sort of quiet way, I understood him—his moods, rules and dreams. Still, just like any family, ours also went through struggles and disappointments.

I have never been a material girl. My father had always told me never to love anything that cannot love you back

My dad is my hero. I were never free of a problem nor did I truly experience a joy until we shared it. I needed him to know when I was hurt. I needed him to know when I was happy. I needed him to know to hear me. I got what I wanted every time.

My guide, my companion, my mentor, my supporter, my defender, my strength, my toy repairman, my playmate, my wiper of noses and tears, my laughter, my driving instructor, fashion consultant but always most of all my closest and surest friend. . . .

We sometimes used to fight over nothing, but always knowing in our hearts that nothing could ever change how we felt about each other and, in my case, that he was the rock that I could always turn to...


You have given me the world. Your love, support and constant encouragement has made me the girl I am today. I am grateful for all the lessons you have taught me through your guiding example of how to give freely and love unconditionally. Thank you for always encouraging me to follow my dreams and do what I love. You have taught me about patience, family and LOVE!!!

I have so many fond gatherings, the countless times you drove me to school in early winter mornings and we used to enjoy that Halwa Purri breakfast on our way (mum could never know about this secret of us) I remember the first time when I was sent to Hostel and it was getting tough to manage alone in hostel, I came back crying and told you that i want to quit. You looked at me, smiled, gave me a hug and said... "don’t give up and keep your head up sweetheart." and finally I ended up staying there for four long years!! I remember your patience dad as you taught me everything, cheering me up on weekends in that horrible hostel, how you made me feel so special, your hugs & smiling face  reminds me that I would be okay...I am missing all those late night conversations with my silly questions  and so many more loving memories. 

We have had a strong bond of relationship and that was a "mysterious bond". no one can understand!!

 I love you dad... and I will miss you always!!!

 2017 was hurtful, thoughtful, selfish, altering, molding and one of most accepting years of my life. December was unkind and ruthless to me.

Happy 2018  peeps :)

Thursday, 29 December 2016

Wordless Friday

Everyone is busy with setting goals for new year like get in shape, Losing weight, exercise more, stay fit, exultant relationships, Love, adventures, reduce stress, working hard, travelling and bla bla .
Set a goal to help people around you as much as you can, this will give you an inner satisfaction and peace. When you help others never think this is lessening your wealth or saving. Just think that Allah gave you this much so you can help others…Remember in the end only kindness matters.
I repeat if you want to be happy, practice compassion.  
My new year goal/resolution is not to get attached to anyone emotionally :p *haha* just kidding!! I set few realistic goals; I believe God will help me to fulfill those!! So how about your New Year goals? Please share…
 May 2017 bring happiness for everyone!!
Happy New Year  J

Thursday, 20 October 2016

Love yourself ♥

For a while there, I was a little annoyed with the world. I have just recently come out of it, and I realized fate is predicted in heavens and no effort in your part can change it.
A very profound experience, travelling, soul searching, meeting few amazing and incredible people, shedding tears, countless abuses, chasing wrong people, sleepless nights, trying to overcome obstacles, and deciding to change the course of my life completely and in the end I came back to my life, to my home, to my family and sat back and thought to myself, “This is what life is about!”
I was on a roller coaster of massive changes. It was the most intense feeling that seemed to go on endlessly. I have had huge goals, big dreams on the horizon for this year, and it scared the crap out of me when things were not as I supposed.
 “What if life did not happen to you, it happened for you ever? “
What if I examined all of the crap that had happened to me before and saw where it had directed me? What if I realized there was a purpose for every situation of difficulty, struggle, pain, and trauma? How would my perspective towards reality change if I realized my quality of life is directly related to my reactions?
Would I stop and appreciate these moments of darkness, if I realized they are necessary to guide me to the light in my life?
My answer would be a BIG NO...
Once I read somewhere that Life has a way of testing a person’s will, either by having nothing happen at all or by having everything happen at once.”
With a change in focus, you can change your life. If you’re looking to change your life too, realize you have the power to do it and He is always there to help you and guide you…
Lord, you are my rock :)

Wednesday, 6 April 2016

Past, Present and Future is Linked

Have you ever come across an incidence so incredible that it left you stunned? If so, then you have just taken a step into the amazing world of Synchronicity.
What happens in life is not in our control. Think about it, no matter how carefully we design our life, we cannot identify how that design will be affected by a single random event. One small point changes everything. Some strange encounters dramatically changes our life. There is a way to find order out of this disorder.
Everything, Past, Present and Future is linked always and you cannot escape from it.
Always look at what you have, instead of what you have lost. Because it’s not what the world takes away from you that counts, it’s what you do with what you have left.
Sometimes life closes doors because it’s time to move forward. That’s a good thing because we often won’t move unless circumstances force us to. Stay patient and stay positive.  Everything is going to come together; maybe not immediately, but eventually. Pain is part of growing and everything in life is temporary. Your scars are symbols of your strength. Sometimes we have to go through the worst, to arrive at best.
Yes, life is tough, but you are tougher. Don’t stress over things that can’t change. 

Saturday, 19 March 2016

God is love ♥

He was standing there, his eyes like they had been before. His exquisiteness stabbed at her heart, the hair looked so like she had just pressed with the wet comb, and the small face was clean but unhappy. Yet her arms somehow did not ache to hold him like her heart told her they should. Something too far away and too strong was between her and him. She only saw him as she had always seen hidden from everyone as in a perfect smog that will not let anyone see their love complete.
She was loving him unconditionally. However he wrong her, still she will carry on loving him.  The possibility to love another frightened her, terrified her actually. Being a free spirit, a part of her is almost dead when roaming around to find him!! She wanted to stay there forever, letting him calm, pretending he was just a kid and his mom could make everything okay.
Either she was trying to find god in him, but he never realized nor convinced. She desired to find God in a much different way, her heart hungers to find God everywhere.  Once her appetite was him, but now things seems to be changed. What she was really desiring was intimacy with God.  She wanted to know that she is not alone in life.  She is connected with God.
She was actually under this illusion that there is a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, but obviously there isn’t. 

Thursday, 11 June 2015

Didn’t I ask you once to take me far away?

Much has been happening in my little world.  At least for me it's a lot.  Changes and uncertainty. Hoping end of the world may be near. I ’ve been killing myself with work these days. I always feel a day of no work is simply not enough to mend from all the stress and pressure. I missed my usual blogging. I haven’t written any article to be posted. Every time I feel compelled to write something, I’m always too tired to put ideas into words.

These days I feel like to go somewhere far, far away I am feeling under the endure for  days now, and dreaming I am somewhere else. I want to lie down on a boat in fine weather and watch the clouds as they pass by, much like what Rousseau wrote in “Reveries of a Solitary Walker”:

"If there is a state where the soul can find a resting-place secure enough to establish itself and concentrate its entire being there, with no need to remember the past or reach into the future, where time is nothing to it, where the present runs on indefinitely but this duration goes unnoticed, with no sign of the passing of time, and no other feeling of deprivation or enjoyment, pleasure or pain, desire or fear than the simple feeling of existence, a feeling that fills our soul entirely, as long as this state lasts, we can call ourselves happy, not with a poor, incomplete and relative happiness such as we find in the pleasures of life, but with a sufficient, complete and perfect happiness which leaves no emptiness to be filled in the soul."

Somewhere, Far Away” is a name for a place where everything is nicer and shinier. I would be running down the streets in jammies. Where the lights all around me are like fairy lights. I would live somewhere east, where muted earth shades. Millions of bacteria I would hold in my hands after touching public utilities–but what the heck.

Islands, beaches and oceans.  The waves will know of me as i walk on the shore and think monochromatic blue scenes… I would have my own “mysterious” address and it is lovely:

123C Unknown St.
Somewhere, Far Away

That would be my address. Somewhere, Far Away slight smell of jasmine… of newly turned soil… of children running through lines.

Why I want to go somewhere far away? Do you remember? 

P.S. Re-posting from 2013 :)

Saturday, 6 June 2015

Love, Money & Happiness

The world, in which you seek to undo the mistakes that you make, is different from the world where the mistakes were made. You’re now at the crossing. And you want to choose, but there is no choosing. There’s only accepting. The choosing was done a long time ago.” ~ Anonymous
I am a girl who stands at the crossing. There’s a difference between the crossing and the crossroads. The crossroads is a crisis or stage. The crossing is the point of no return. I stand now past the point of no returning. I have made my choices. There is no going back.
I don’t know what compelled me to see Indecent Proposal last night. It was perhaps, given my new sensitivity to violence and darkness, not a good choice. But I have long been an admirer of Demi Moore & Robert Redford.
Well, how we people relate Love, Money & Happiness ad which is more important…sounds typical, yeah. I often keep on thinking over it and drawing flowcharts but never able to conclude.  Importance of these things is very situational. These are very different and hard to compare. This is because happiness & love has intrinsic value (end in itself) and money has instrumental value (means to an end). 
Think of instrumental value as a stepping stone toward something, and intrinsic value as that something you are stepping toward. *smiles*
It's just not that simple. Does taking vacations make you happy? Does taking vacations with family make you happy? Not having extra money would make both of these options impossible thereby reducing the highest level of obtainable happiness. But that's just an example.
According to a friend of mine “Happiness and money are not separate things. They come as byproduct of what you like and do in your day to day life.”
But I am thinking what next?  Once you have a certain level of wealth, happiness becomes the clear winner, but below this point, happiness can be difficult to manage. You are not happy with your mansion, yacht, and limo because all that crap is old hat and you don't even notice it anymore.  Is it so?

“And Man is very Ungrateful” (17:67)
Falling in love also doesn't happen in a vacuum. People take the whole package into consideration at some level.  The fact that person A has a lot of money is going to be more attractive than the fact that person B sleeps on a park bench.  These preferences are downplayed because the common narrative is that love is blind.  But it really isn't.  Some people rank having a pretty smile above financial security, but most would settle for a slightly less attractive partner with good prospects.

After watching the film, it is still clear that everything has a price, but that price is more than a monetary number. For example, David Murphy realized that having 1 million dollars without Diana was not worth it. Thus, he was happier before the decision. However, one would never know for sure. Love and money are universal concepts that people have been try to balance. Likewise, if you do not have love in your life, money is not worth nearly as much.
In all, money is not a requirement for happiness but it can certainly reduce the friction on the road from discomfort to comfort as it's more comfortable to cry in a BMW than on a bicycle. *hahaha*. We need money to survive. So we have to try to combine the struggle for money with pursue of happiness. Because happiness has no price tag.

In a nut shell, what is your price for something you value deeply?