Story of a friend who is unhappy with his dad…
Dad`s should understand what are they up to otherwise it can cause severe problems to their child`s mental health.
He could never talk about his experiences with friends or close people as he can't stand them feeling sorry for him. He don’t live in a society where its normal to go to shrink, it’s so annoying to see that people judge that as well, and all his life he has struggled to learn not to judge people mostly because of his father. His father never knew how to make the emotional connection with him and his sister, nor to express his love in a way other fathers did; He was always scared of him even as a little boy.
When he started going to school he also missed his father in his actual life, and tried to compensate that gap by focusing on learning and school. The good part is that he excelled in it and was top honors student, the bad part is that as soon as he thought his father was supporting him , he realized that the only reason he would get up early to drive him to school was because he took different road to work.
His father usually did it twice per week. He had weird feeling inside but was too little to understand anything- He was only ten. He figured it out so late -maybe years later when he noticed his mum waking up unhappy and trying to hide the misery she was feeling, or the paranoid time she would spend on the balcony waiting for her father to get back from work and to see from which side he came ...so painful.. Afterwards it just escalated that his mother would say to him that if he did it once again she would live him. That dickhead probably knew she could not leave him, so he even walked around with other women almost public. He remembers the humiliation that people would comment - leave him, he is so young to understand what her father is doing.
Sometimes they would comment in front of him, but he would react is we are all stupid. What a dickhead! For years He could not understand the damage this did to his little son`s mental health and the relationships with women. He actually never had a long stable relationship, intense yes, loving yes, but never a lasting one. Most probably because deep inside he don’t believe it will last.
For the last two years, and he is almost 25, he tried to fight this disorder of him. He tried to tell himself to isolate the father relation and to go for women that have nothing in common with the girlfriend of his father and in this way build a new cognitive approach to him. It`s kind of working, if he wasn’t living close to the family he think it would have been much more successful. He was fighting it every day, to become something he killed, to become emotionally available person and to have his faith back that there are normal men who do not need to kill the women kind in order to feel strong. And yes, who actually love being with one woman.